GLOW

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
[Romans 8:38-39]

I am a daughter dedicated to one Father who, in the ultimate sign of love,
gave His Son up on a cross so that you and I could be free.
Free from the price to pay for our imperfection, free to love Him and serve Him.

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Hey, I'm an architecture student! Check out some of my favourite things here: Deconstructing Architecture

I forgot how much reading this book made me cry before…gotta be humble enough to admit the deepest desires of my heart #Captivating #ReRead

I forgot how much reading this book made me cry before…gotta be humble enough to admit the deepest desires of my heart #Captivating #ReRead

"Closure" (Owl Eyes)

I felt like the past week was a week of closures that I didn’t realise I needed. It somehow feels fitting that the song I can’t get out of my head is the one by Owl Eyes.

And somehow I also feel a kind of joyful emancipation from the things that I have allowed myself to be a slave to for the past four months of my crazy semester.

I was a slave to my feelings and desires for one person. I allowed it to dictate my actions, boundaries and emotional well-being. Truth is, I was so insecure that I thought I was in love with him when I was really just craving the attention that he gave me. It led into all kinds of tension and stress and miscommunication that took so much talking and growing on my part to get to a healthy place. It involved me being disgusted with myself for pining for yet another person who cannot and will not love me the way I want (and the way God has always been pining and running after me—the God I should have been returning devotion and love to). And as a result of this insecurity and obsession I stopped looking after myself and started losing myself. The wake up call at the end of semester helped me unclench everything, stop forcing things to happen and I can finally enjoy the friendship for what it is. I am blessed to have someone look out for me even after the initial rejection of my affections, who can make me laugh and remember how precious I am to God just the way I am. I need to break out of this cycle and change, and real change in this area involves real change in my heart and attitudes towards my insecurities and understanding God’s love. So my love life and heart? Now all in God’s hands. I have spent six years running after and trying to control it, I finally have the humility to put it at God’s feet to do with it as He has always wanted.

I was prideful and tried to take on too many things. In the end I became a slave to my commitments. Part of it was this was thinking I needed to sustain myself and so took on two jobs. Part of it was pride in thinking I could surely do it, I just needed to focus. Bad decision. I cannot prioritise everything—I tried and all areas of my life suffered. I was burnt out, spiritually exhausted, mentally drained and physically unwell. So I had to also adjust; dropping and switching jobs with more realistic hours, learning to say no (fighting my people pleasing nature) and delegate my time to the right things. I know I won’t feel it until Uni starts up again but I already feel better having less unnecessary things in my life.

I didn’t realise that I became a slave to a strange kind of reverse peer pressure. I had over the last two years unwittingly and subconsciously comparing myself to the people around me and as a result been working way too hard to relate to people, suppress my interests, personality and passions and keep up with the things going on around me. And I woke up one morning a week ago almost not recognising myself. What happened to the girl who listened to Chopin and Tchaikovsky while making 3D models? Or the girl who loved spending hours reading a good book, playing classical guitar pieces or drawing? The girl who loved getting lost in the city and finding record stores or loved meeting people in sweet shops and deli’s. Dancing to music she loves in her room. Taking photos. Wandering around in art galleries and shops. Making things just because it made her happy. Dressing the way she wanted to and wearing her hair short even if other people discouraged her from doing it. Passionate and creative and musical. Loving people fearlessly. Running joyfully after times she could be with God every day.

I wanted to find her again—she was me, two years ago before I cared about what people thought of me, what I did in comparison to what everyone else did, what I even expected of myself to do. It all came down to being a slave to my insecurities again—I didn’t love the person God made me to be, I thought I needed to be someone else to be loved or even worked so hard to be loved by people instead of just loving myself and allowing the right people in my life who loved me as myself.

I was a slave to guilt. I realised that I haven’t really understood grace or God’s unconditional love and spent so much time far from God because I thought I needed to fix myself and be in a better place before I could approach Him. I wasted so much time being away from Him because of my pride when all I had to do was admit that I didn’t have everything covered and need his help and forgiveness and healing. Because I had a hard time forgiving myself. And as soon as I started to understand even a small portion of this grace and love, I was completely blown over and enamoured. I felt so much joy and excitement for my relationship with God again. I felt God’s love bring life back into my bones and heart. It’s strange that you can convince yourself that you’ve been living or walking with God but you haven’t…until God’s love and grace starts to make more sense in your life. Until it becomes the thing that motivates you to love people and get up out of bed every day.

I woke up this morning excited to be alive for the first time in two years. Excited, not because of a boy, or something that would distract me from things that stress me out. I didn’t wake up dreading work, dreading being with people, or even dreading to look at myself in the mirror. I woke up excited to read my Bible and pray today, excited to dance and sing and get ready for work, excited to be with my family and friends enjoying an Italian masterpieces exhibition and embracing the life God gave me. I had been asleep and ungrateful and a slave for so long to things that only existed in my mind.

Thank you God for putting the right people, situations and scripture in my life to jolt me again. Thank you for your endless love and peace that have started motivating me to really live with joy again today.

Dark chocolate ice cream and “Snow Monkey” is always a good idea #betareader #pageturner #KokoBlacktwiceinoneday #best #littleindulgences

Dark chocolate ice cream and “Snow Monkey” is always a good idea #betareader #pageturner #KokoBlacktwiceinoneday #best #littleindulgences

#perfect #unkaglenrocks

#perfect #unkaglenrocks

One of the few times I am really at a loss for words is when I have to describe how amazing you are and how much you mean to me in a nutshell @laurenslavin ☺️ Your walk with God, your heart to serve, your character of hard work, perseverance, honesty, deep insight and faith are such an inspiring example to follow. Coupled with that is this fun, spontaneous streak and sense of adventure that I love! God went all out when he created you, absolutely beautiful inside and out. You have patiently nurtured and helped me through some really challenging times and I am truly grateful and blessed to be your sister in Christ. I look forward to more times spent with you! Happy Birthday, Leigh!! 😉 ❤️

One of the few times I am really at a loss for words is when I have to describe how amazing you are and how much you mean to me in a nutshell @laurenslavin ☺️ Your walk with God, your heart to serve, your character of hard work, perseverance, honesty, deep insight and faith are such an inspiring example to follow. Coupled with that is this fun, spontaneous streak and sense of adventure that I love! God went all out when he created you, absolutely beautiful inside and out. You have patiently nurtured and helped me through some really challenging times and I am truly grateful and blessed to be your sister in Christ. I look forward to more times spent with you! Happy Birthday, Leigh!! 😉 ❤️

See yourself as a vessel. You have to pour out the things you cling to, in order to create space for the Lord to pour His blessings into your life. It’s not that you want too much, it’s that you’re settling for far too little.
— Unka Glen (unkaglen.tumblr.com)
Okay, maybe went a little overboard with my lunch today 😄 #crispyporkbellysandwich #longshiftsoitshouldbeokay

Okay, maybe went a little overboard with my lunch today 😄 #crispyporkbellysandwich #longshiftsoitshouldbeokay

Catching up on BridgeBox studies  #finallyfoundtheamazingreadingroom #soneedthisbreak

Catching up on BridgeBox studies #finallyfoundtheamazingreadingroom #soneedthisbreak

I love escape nights…

I had a little too much red wine, the most amazing gourmet sandwich, salad and red velvet cake. Talked for hours with the couple closest to my heart and cried my woes off. Got some advice on discipling new young sisters. Watched some Charlie Chaplain (was asleep for half the film) by the warmth of a fire.

Sometimes life just gets a bit much. And thank you God for the most amazing people who take care of me when I’ve just had enough.

❤️

spiritualinspiration:

It’s easy to go through life thinking that we’re average; we’re ordinary. “There’s nothing special about me. I’m just one of the six billion people on earth.” No, when God created you, He put a part of Himself in you. You could say that you have the DNA of Almighty God. You are destined to do great things, destined to leave your mark on this generation. The truth is, there is nothing average about you; but too many times we don’t realize who we are. We focus on our weaknesses or what we don’t have. We focus on the mistakes we’ve made or the family from which we’ve come. We end up settling for mediocrity when we were created for greatness!

If you’re going to break out of average, you need to remind yourself every day, “I have the DNA of the Most High God. Greatness is in my genes. I come from a bloodline of champions.” If you’ll have the attitude of a champion, you’ll live the life of a champion and boldly embrace the blessings He has in store for you!